If you don’t have the life, the business, or the relationship you desire, the truth is, you are likely standing in your own way. I realize that may seem harsh. But it is true. We are powerful creators, and we have the ABILITY to design our lives, our businesses, and our relationships. Now, inside relationship, you can only control yourself, but the choices you make can and do impact the other person and subsequently the relationship. Until we get our focus off others, however, we will assuredly stay stuck and experience all kinds of unwanted negativity. Never trust your own happiness, success, and satisfaction in someone else’s hands. These are “inside job” issues.
So today I’d like to share 5 keys to loving the hell out of your life, your business, and your man. (Hint: It has everything to do with you and nothing to do with him.) This is really about cultivating satisfaction, which requires an inward focus!
1. Know thyself.
Before you can really love life, business, or a romantic relationship, you must know yourself. You must become intimately aware of what you like, what you desire, and what you are willing to give. You must come to relationships whole, and bring yourself fully. A good place to start with knowing yourself better (the best place!) is with your values.
Once you know your values, you can write down what you like to do, how you like to feel, and the things you desire experiencing in life, work, and love, along with what you are willing to give. As a coach, I help my clients define all of this in terms of actual TIME SPENT. Because if you value something but you aren’t willing to spend time nurturing it, then you can’t really say it is a priority. The easiest way I know to affect change is to incorporate a new behavior into your daily routine. For example, if you value health, then schedule time for sleep, preparing healthy meals, nurturing relationships, stress reduction, and exercise. Another great way to improve health is to reduce the toxic load you are exposed to in all forms. If you value a relationship, then invest time and energy in it. Not in theory, but in practical ways.
2. Express yourself
Next, once you know yourself, you are going to want to get really good at expressing yourself, and being curious about others. This can include your family, your colleagues, your team, and especially your lover. If relationships are suffering, it can be very stressful! And furthermore, you cannot get what you want if you do not learn how to state your desires and create a plan or routine that supports them. When expressing yourself, it is effective to use good listening skills. And it is most helpful to be present, concern yourself with the other person’s feelings or position, reflect, ask questions, and use attentive non-verbal behavior. The use of inquiry and I-Statements will go far in communicating effectively and creating connection with others as well. In love relationships it is very important to be able to share how you feel and what you want. This will minimize blaming, accusations, and victim mentality. So be sure to get comfortable asking for what you want and stating what you don’t want. Expecting someone else to make you happy is a level 5 danger zone. Make yourself happy. Then, find someone else who is also already happy to be with.
3. Be willing to risk everything.
This pertains to life, business, and love. If you know what you want, you are going to have to be willing to risk a few things to get there. This is human nature. We are constantly evolving and growing, and we have a desire to become MORE. So if you are being stagnant or tolerating a situation that is undesirable, you are resisting your natural evolution, which will lead to unfulfillment, unhappiness, and possibly resentment or depression. You might make a few people upset or not gain support as you navigate these waters. But nobody else has to approve and nobody else has to give you permission. This is the glory of being an adult! Do what you love. Live how you want. Get the support you need. And find someone who is willing to deeply connect and love without caution, if that is what you desire. There is nor reason, ever, to cheat yourself from the life, business, or relationship you desire. You might have to walk away from a safe corporate job to pursue a business idea. You might have to leave a neglectful or abusive relationship to find true love. And you might have to turn your current life completely upside down to establish the lifestyle you desire. And it will feel scary. But it will be totally worth it.
4. Get creative AF.
Having what you want might mean doing something that has never been done before. This is most common in business. There is no limit to the ways you can work or craft a business. SO make it what you want. And the same thing goes for your life – where you want to live, who you love, and how you spend your time. Forget the 9-5. Forget the picket fences in suburbia. and forget about blasé, boring, stodgy, unexciting love. You can build your dream job, dream life, and enjoy a lifelong love affair in a passionate and respectful partnership within or without marriage. You might even want to change fields once or twice, or change continents. If you have beliefs that say this isn’t possible then I challenge you to consider the opposite perspective. What if it was possible? Then what would happen? How would you feel? Sometimes, before we can make progress with change we have to get really mad or uncomfortable. And that is okay! Just be willing to take ownership. And take baby steps if you have to, but do something!
5. Allow the goodness to FLOW.
We have a tendency of getting in our own way when it comes to change. Limiting beliefs can hold us back from living our best life. It is much easier to maintain the status quo than to blaze a new trail. The brain is wired for sameness. It is just. so. comfortable. And each step of the way, in creating a life you love, you have to muster the courage, heart, and wisdom to keep going. There will be new levels of happiness, success, and love that you experience, and old fears will surface. So we have to learn how to face the fear and do it anyway. People who ought to be in your corner may turn into naysayers. And it has nothing to do with you. It is simply because they have different values, beliefs, perspectives, and aspirations. The only person you have to answer to is yourself and your minor children. Beyond that, the sky’s the limit.
I’d love to hear your creative ideas about life, business, and love. How are you thriving, and how are you struggling? Let’s get a conversation going about this, and as always, I promise to support your desires and your vision…no matter how big and how crazy they may be. I am a safe sounding board for exploring your dreams. If you take the time and energy to get intentional about who you are and what you want to create, I can guarantee you that negativity will fall by the wayside as it is crowded out with all of the pleasure, joy, abundance, and freedom that you establish in your life, work, and love.