Hello beautiful, powerful, amazing woman. Or handsome, accomplished, lovable man.
Yep! That’s you. It is. I know.
Let’s be real, though… We don’t always feel beautiful, powerful, and amazing. Or handsome, accomplished, and lovable. (Fill in the blank with how you really want to feel or be perceived.) We don’t always FEEL that way. But the truth is, we ARE. Feelings are just feelings.
And in truth we are
Beautiful / Handsome
Powerful / Accomplished
Amazing / Lovable creatures.
We don’t always feel like we are living happily ever after, either.
But here’s what I know…
“You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way.”
~Song of Solomon 4:7
Life is to be enjoyed. Period.
And, all that living happily ever after is is having the life you want and feeling good. That’s it! So simple, but often so elusive.
Sometimes, we get so far off the path of having the life we want and feeling good that we lose sight see our desired destination, and we stop enjoying the journey. We stop enjoying our work and our relationships. We feel yucky and unsatisfied. Maybe even angry or scared. Everything just feels hard, or tiring, life seems complicated, or simply off track. I know this from experience!
Throughout different stages of my life, I wanted certain things. Different things. As we all do! In my younger years I wanted to feel pretty, not cute. Play. Make friends, Have fun. Do the right thing. In my college years I wanted to have it together, be more serious, but still have fun. I wanted to feel smart and apply my intelligence and effort to doing well in school, be on my game academically. I wanted to be on track for a successful future life and career. During young motherhood I wanted to feel beautiful, powerful, valuable. loved. I wanted to parent well and create a beautiful, loving, and welcoming home for our family.
I think I have done a pretty good job through various stages. But I often felt misunderstood. At times, I felt anger. Sadness. Disappointment. Because it seemed that despite my best efforts, I was missing the mark somehow.
During marriage I wanted to live happily ever after. Like, the fairy tale version. But it wasn’t happening. So I learned to stop feeling and expressing my feelings in order to protect my relationship with my husband. I left my happiness in his hands by having too many expectations of him. And because that didn’t work, I made a decision to stop believing in happily ever after. I decided it was not real. Not possible. And the funny thing was, I was really happy! But it felt too risky to “go all in” to the deeper levels of love and connection that I truly desired because I wanted to keep things steady. I didn’t want to rock the boat. And I was not allowing myself to be me. I was working hard to keep it together. TO do things “right” or, behave as I should as a young mom and wife. I would not risk sharing how I felt, which prevented me from being seen for who I was, which was a woman of passion who loves fiercely and has a big vision for my life and work.
The result of trying to be strong and insulate myself and others from upset, and how I felt, was ME creating the distance between where I was and where I wanted to be. I was diminishing my on beauty and power. I wanted so badly to be seen, understood, respected, and loved. I wanted more connection. Real relationship. I wanted to have the life I wanted. I was on track in so many areas, but missing the mark in others. And to fix this would require a level of vulnerability that I did not know how to express.
Fast forward to today. the experiences of my youth brought forth so many beautiful lessons. I finally learned that living happily ever after is simply enjoying my life today. And I no longer wish to leave my opinion of who I am or my happiness and satisfaction in someone else’s hands. I do not wish to leave my lifestyle in someone else’s hands. My income. My decisions. I feel like I am right on track. I now understand that I CREATE my life. I experience love by BEING more loving. That I have feelings and it is okay. That means I am alive and in relationships. Feelings are just feelings, a guide, and I can decide how I respond to them.
So today, things are much different. I learned that in order to have the love and the life I desire, I must risk being seen. Being KNOWN. I must feel and share my feelings, my hopes and dreams, and love myself unconditionally. I must be willing to do scary things. To live with courage, and heart, and apply the wisdom I’ve gained through experience when I interact with others and make decisions. This builds confidence and the motivation I need to move forward with grace toward everything I desire, through fear and without shame, and without worrying about what others think.
I am soooo grateful to have come full circle, and today I ABSOLUTELY believe in love. And I believe in my own version of success and happily ever after. I have the life I want. I know there’s nothing missing, and that things are falling together, not apart. I do not worry if there is a gap somewhere in my life. Because I can close the gap. I am the one who creates my life! Not by being loved or perceived a certain way. Not by having a man pursue me, love me, give me attention, or please me. Not by living in the right house, driving the right car, taking the right vacations, or anything else external. Living Happily Ever After is about living the life I want, and feeling good today. Loving myself and others unconditionally, and without caution. I am willing to risk being seen for who I am, including my beauty and flaws, strengths and inadequacies. Growth is a natural part of LIFE. We are never going to “arrive.” Living with purpose, in gratitude and appreciation for what IS, and being willing to take action to continuously live and create the life I desire, frees me to relax and enjoy right where I am.
Now I understand that it’s all okay. We are all a work in progress.
As long as we are trying to please others, seeking for love, hiding, diminishing ourselves, or not being honest with ourselves and others about how we feel and what we need, we will remain unhappy. We will feel unsettled, unsatisfied, lost, off track, unloved, or unsuccessful. We might even stop believing in love, or in living the life of our dreams. But when we decide to please ourselves, love ourselves, and stop letting fear hold us back, magic happens!
Today I would like to invite you to shift your focus to feeling good. Take the focus off what you do for others, or how they make you feel. If you want to be loved, be more loving towards yourself and others. If you desire more connection, find ways to connect more. If you feel the need for more fun, DO SOMETHING fun. It seems so obvious, doesn’t it? But we get busy thinking about life and what we want and we stagnate and lose our strength and connection. Our strength is in knowing and accepting that who we are is beautiful, powerful, and amazing. Being willing to be seen for who we are. And then creating the life we desire. But until we take action, it is all just a fantasy.
I enjoy helping clients design their best life. Taking baby steps to make it happen. Loving themselves and others well through the process. Maintaining happiness on the road to success.
I do most of my coaching via phone and through VIP Days. But sometimes people want a face to face experience that doesn’t require a day, a week, or a commitment over several months. So I am offering Happily Ever After New Moon Gatherings for the remainder of the year. The first one will be THIS Wednesday from 6-8. All you need to do in order to attend is reply to this email and I will be in touch with the details. We will be eating, listening to music, creating our vision for the coming month, including personal, professional, and financial goals, group coaching, and vision boards. Appetizers and wine will be served, along with lots of support and connection with other women who are on the journey of having the life they want. If you are not available this Wednesday you can reserve your spot now for July or August. Space is limited as we are gathering in my home. I hope you will join us!
Here’s to your Happily Ever After.
I invite you to respond to this blog directly to inquire about my “Design a Life You Love” Private Coaching Program and VIP Days. I will be happy to answer any questions you may have. Currently, there are three spots available in my agenda for private clients. I am also filling VIP Days for June, July, and August. VIP Days are are a small group coaching experience to design your best life, following a morning at the spa and delicious lunch! In each of my programs we focus on creating juiciness in four areas – your health and happiness, home and love life, work, and cashflow or finances. When those four areas are in flow, you will enjoy life so much more!